my blog comes in handy for my random thoughts like these, although im not sure anyone still reads it, its kinda cathartic.

no more cheesy stuff about 810, im happy to say that i have gotten over it. it wasnt short lived like all my other phases okay! it was nice while it lasted and made these past (how many?) months or almost the whole year so much better. the girl you've got your eyes on is one lucky one.

feel kinda lonely now. one more paper to go and i can't wait to meet up with friends and stuff. but what im really mean is that i just cant help feeling that so many of my relationships are superficial. and thats partly, perhaps mostly my fault. dont get me wrong, i have really good friends who i have a last hanging out with but i havent really got a best friend. someone who's always there, who listens even to the most random of thoughts. someone whom im not afraid to msg cos im sure he/she would be interested in what i've gotta say. thats one of my biggest regrets coming out of jc, that i've lived these years with all my thoughts kept to myself cos of it.

anw, you guys should all check out kris allen's apperance on ellen, solid performance plus his interview. he is sooooo sweet, especially when he talks about his wife! gees, i want my own kris allen haha.

and yes, you shd catch adam lambert's infamous AMA performance, esp if you wanna get horny. hmmmm. haha them both are awesome. im watching reruns of american idol and its so funny watching them from before people knew they were real contenders. im back to my stalking-adam-and-kris days, oh no!

LLJ;
9:37 PM;

the brazilian grand prix was one heck of an eventful race. i was so fuming mad aft the race, luckily for you i'm okay now, and i shall blog rationally.

qualifying was crazy. i felt really afraid for giancarlo fisichella, he just doesnt look confident with the car and its handling, and to drive it in such horrendrous conditions.. poor control and visibility, yup i was scared. somemore he was one of the earlier ones out. it was as if i knew something was going to happen..for he brought out the red flag. poor guy.

kimi looked awesome in the wet and set some really good times in q1 and q2 but then by the end of q3 the car just didnt have the pace. good drive anyway! with a tough car and tough conditions. ohh and i felt really bad for vettel too, he looked so pissed and upset, understandably. (and then i thought of rachel hehe)

raceday. humph. good start off the line by kimi and his kers. as usual going outside but then not getting much room from the cars in front. nice work getting to third place and challenging webber for second BUT THEN. !@#$%^webber of course wouldnt let him through, there was contact and a broken front wing. GRRRR. (might have had contact with the force india earlier too) at the back heikki kovaleinen, dont know what he did with his car, almost took fisi out. good save from fisi who took a long detour on the grass. luckily you didn take him out, as if he wasnt struggling as it was with the f60! GRRR.

AND THEN, it gets worse. both kimi and heikki head to the pit lane. the ferrari is on its way out. the mcclaren obviously kanchiong or what leaves his pit before the refuelling nozzle is out, and comes just in front of kimi. and its not like when massa did it in spore last year, the refuelling nozzle was spraying(yes, spraying) fuel all over poor kimi. not on kimi's car, on kimi! and then BOOMZ(heh), kimi was ON FIRE. literally. my dad was like woah, this is like hollywood. ohman i was sooo scared for him! lucky i didnt watch it live, i knew he was okay. bt WHAT THE HECK! you wanna kill him ahhh? heikki doesnt even get a drive thru until after the race, 25 secs just gets added to his timing(rolls my eyes).

so yes, my anger aside the race continues. ntg spectacular frm the ferraris. in my mind i curse everytime they say what a wonderful race webber is driving. it might not have been as simple if kimi was up there next to you okay!! he had such a good chance of a podium finish!

the iceman as always is unfazed by everything, including fire, and takes his car home in 6th. fisi drives home safely in 12th?

there was much more drama except i was too fixated on what happened to kimi. humph. ooh i must say i was rather bumped for rubens. he could have done so much better. although his wasnt a very good strategy, i must say. and he was sooo unlucky to have his tyre punctured. poor poor thing, in his home grand prix. even drg his time at ferrari he was always overshadowed. but he's such a nice guy still.

ermm. oh, congrats to button! not much of a supporter, but hey, a better british champion than you-knw-who. down to earth and witty and kinda hot, the things he said on the pit radio were hilarious! and honda's stand in driver for glock, kobayashi was sooo awesome. really bold of him how he defended against all the other drivers on his debut. not like glock who let hamilton thru on the last corners of the last lap last year to win the championship.

yeah i was reminded of what happened last year with massa. how so very very very tragic. poor dude, he. so even though im upset your driving next year and not kimi, i'll support you all the way! can't wait til you get back on your feet!(or car)
next season next season! (i need to warm up to alonso for now)

aye, i wish i could speak to the ferrari drivers lol i'd tell them:
kimi, i hope you're okay and not burnt. sorry that the filming and commentry people dont wanna report abt you as much, even when you caught fire. you're still a ferrari driver up til the last race, so continue to push hard and show them people!
and fisi, i knw you're having a tough time trying to prove yourself. dont be discouraged! and dont be so unhappy, i knw you wanna try your best. and in all fairness you've finished the last few races, not like you crashed or anything. continue to push, one last race c'mon!

supporting the prancing horse all the way!

LLJ;
11:08 AM;

im here without you baby
but you're still on my lonely mind


today was farewell assembly oh boy despite any negative stuff thats happened these two years, i do love vj! it's the awesomest ever. which other school has such crazy teachers and students and principal, really. and i do love my class. very much. especially my girls((: gonna miss our conversations bout random stuff.

regrets? many. many many. oh man dont go there.

but still. really glad to have been in vj, s66 and dance! you all made me really happy today.

im in too soapy a mood to be typing anything constructive right now. i missed peiying the moment i left school. humph, wish i could talk to her for just abit. so many things i wanna tell her and i want her to tell me. i love her very very much.

and it's gonna take me a few hours (i hope that would suffice) to stop thinking about 810. to stop picturing that moment this morning when i tried to look at him but he rightfully looked downwards to give us privacy so he wouldnt interrupt the thing that i was doing. for the last time this morning i looked up to see you walking in..

had ice cream with lauretta just now, but apparently it wasnt strong enough a comfort food. oh and mum bought me a bag. retail therapy.

ohwell guess i need to go study now.

LLJ;
5:08 PM;

a thousand days, a thousand nights are not enough
cos i can't hold back the way i feel about my love

i wish there was a device that could read my mind and blog out exactly how im feeling right now, cos i really dont know.

damnit, other people have things to do and need to study too la okay. they might even have more things to do than you do. and bloody hell this is not how i wanna be feeling right now. but then i might just be angry with myself for not being able to do anything about you. arggghhh! its so frustrating when you're feeling like this and you can't express yourself and even if you could no one would be willing to listen cos everyone's just too caught up with their own stuff to give a damn, or maybe just cos you're a loner. and it doesnt help when you keep thinking bout certain people and hoping this were grey's anatomy and you could just start making out in the elevator, or stairs. damnit!

LLJ;
11:17 AM;

qualifying last? oh man finishing 17th position? seriously? getting passed on the way out of the pitlane? oh my gosh really? drive thru penalty for crossing the pitlane line? ahhhh, you sure?! i only watched the highlights but omg, are you kidding? the thing is, its not like you had any major issues with your car to finish last and be lapped! c'mon, no matter how bad you are, the car couldnt have been THAT bad? im sure it had the capacity to at least push you further up the grid, no? i imagine the anguish and disappointment and REGRET of michael schumacher having to watch all that from the pitwall.. dear luca badoer, REALLY?? im sure you're beeter than that.

im abit too disgraced to feel any remote happiness for kimi raikkonen. it was yet another not bad finish for kimi. good considering his car, and starting from sixth place, but still not good enough. not where they'd ideally like to be.

really pleased for rubens barrichello too, great guy, he((: really sensitive, caring, friendly, NICE guy who deserves it. sighs i was humming the tune of his brazilian national anthem, and when it ended, i instinctively continued with the italian national anthem for ferrari, only to be brought back down to earth by God save the queen for brawn.. ahh yes, those were the days, schumi and rubeno!

of cos, his win was at the expense of hamilton who was obviously trying to disguise his disappointment. ermmm. cant say i emphatise with him. sorry.

i really hope there's improvement for next week's race. and for the ones after, monza their home race, and singapore my home race hehe. c'mon guys!

LLJ;
10:31 AM;

nothing much..

but omg you're fascinating. you make me smile to myself, and you make me scream on the inside cos i cant scream out loud. i miss half smiling and half waving to you. damnit, i wish i could see you now. and i wish you could see me too.

LLJ;
8:45 PM;

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER!! ohman ohman its michael schumacher!! ahhhhhh! please let him pass all his medical tests! okay i cant take it anymore, im so excited for my dearest SCHUMI((:

LLJ;
9:39 AM;

GET WELL SOON FELIPE MASSA
my prayers are with you

this weekend's hungarian grand prix was no doubt overshadowed by massa's freak accident, which goes to show again fast cars come with their dangers. really sad what happened to massa, hope he gets well soon cos he's gonna be a dad! pity too, since judging by the pace of kimi raikkonen's ferrari, he could have potentially done very well at the race, catch up in the championship title esp with the perforamnce of the front runners brawn and redbull at the hungaroring. my heart goes out to you felipe massa, sorry for what happened.

speaking of that accident, how can a bloody spring weigh one whole kg, how can it be blown from (four seconds x 100+kmh) away to hit him exactly on the head, and how on earth can it break through all the carbon fibre of the helmet?? humph.

sad news for ferrari but at least it was a good drive by kimi raikkonen to finish second from 7th on the starting grid. no mistakes as far as i could see, except for the delay at his second pit stop. not sure what happened, lapse of concentration? dont know.

the race was won really at the start, hamilton and raikkonen stormed off the start with their kers button although he did meet with abit of traffic. then it was with the help of alonso's retirement and mistake at webber's 1st pitstop that pushed him up to second place. aft that the race went on without much trouble. i must say good pace especially drg the first two stints. kudos to ferrari too! second place is still a good result, and realistically speaking, there wasnt much chance of overtaking hamilton, esp aft that 2nd pitstop. with that delay of about 3 seconds, and the performance of the hard compound tyres. ohwell.

yeah yeah so hamilton's drive was flawless but kimi's was nearly too lah. (omg, btw did you see nicole pcd in the garage lol!)

it's a bit sad what happened to alonso too. aft finally making it to pole position.. and if he does get suspended for the loose tyre and misses the next grand prix..his home grand prix!

but yepp, you know who im supporting. heh. whats gonna happen to massa's spot now? ahhh i hope things work out for them and they continue to improve! and i hope massa doesnt suffer any serious permanent damage to his brain or eye or whatever((:

LLJ;
8:28 PM;

Ballet under the stars
(yes, the stars and not the stairs)

i texted lauretta that i was going for ballet under the stars and she thought it was a typo, that i meant ballet under the stairs. which, come to think of it, makes alot less sense. then her dad said it was just codeword for meeting my boyfriend under the stairs. which is like, really odd, no? lol((:

BUTS was good. dancing was awesome, the ambience, not so. i know it sounds romantic and all, watching graceful and pretty classical ballet, having a picnic under the night sky, laying down on picnic mats... yeah right. first and foremost, there were no stars. (there are never any stars) it was so crowded and hot, it was a huge mass of people squeezed onto that field, i tell you. and SOME people just had to be spoilspots and put the blame on the teenagers. everyone wants to get a good view la, deal with it. seeing as you were older, you should've been more civilised and been gracious about it. damnit we offered you our spot pls? Anw, i kinda think many of the young kids there didnt really appreciate the performances, they were just there for the gimmick. nice picnic with some entertainment.

pity, cos the dancing was BEAUTIFUL((: even some of the preshow items were really good. shanice was just amazing! (on top of being so cute)phoebe and joy too. the actual show was awesome also la! love classical ballet((: i admire those dancers who can dance on pointe for such a long piece and still look like its so effortless. and the guys who jump as thought theres some invisible force lifting them up.

ahh well, as is aft every ballet concert i attend, i wanna get back to dancing ballet again. i know i've said that grade 8 will be my last, that i won't continue dancing under anyone else but mrs lim. but i cant seem to get closure. i played around with the thought many times now. i love it and i miss it. and anw, i think it might be good for my fats. (hehe) met joni there as well and i hope we can really go for her killer classes soon, while i can still try to squeeze into my leotards!

LLJ;
4:47 PM;

yesterday sef passed me a present to pass to julynn. would only see her aft school so i carried it ard with me. and stupid me, got distracted by the THICK booklet of chemistry papers i received that i left it in the science lab. continued with lecture then headed to parkway parade which was when py asked me, where's the present? AHHH!

mad panic. so the plan was to call julynn to go retrieve her pressie, but i couldnt call her and anw she left sch alr. die.. got hs to call jr to help me find it. and kind soul he was, went thru all the effort to search in the lab, lt and general office. no sign of it.. at this point i was really worried and cursing myself alr.

guilty so i went back to check for myself. went to the lab, and yes it wasnt there AHHHH. i prayed on the way for God to calm my heart and help me find it. as always he answered my prayers and the it was with one of the lab techs. omg, luckily, i would have been soooo sorry if i misplaced sef's present which he entrusted to me lol.

God works in a million little ways. he's always faithful and his mercies are new every morning. he's always there for me and is ready to work miracles anytime, even on the most trivial of things! whenever in doubt, stress, anger, sadness, despair, no hope, just turn to him and he'll be there!((:

LLJ;
11:32 AM;

i can't wait for ferrari to get back to winning ways again. a third place last night and frequent glimpses of schumi in the pit lane were enough to remind me of the good old days, where i would stand when they played the german and italian national anthem for the glorious michael schumacher and know the exact tune.

the title might be out of reach this season unless we can find a sudden burst of speed and technical intelligence. someone smart calculating pit/ fuel strategies. they need to find their reliability too. kimi's retirement was disappointing, he would have scored some decent points if he hung in there. but anw, it was a hard fought and well deserved podium finish for massa. first of the season! did really well to stay in front of the likes of barrichello and vettel drg his 2nd/1st stints, despite having an obviously slower car. he used his "special button" well lol.

good job to the team, one of the few times this season with no obvious mistakes pit wise and strategy wise. it was the other teams mistakes. worked out well for them. well, of cos with the exception of kimi's mechanical failure.

it's worrying but i believe they'll survive. til then i'll wait for the prancing horse to get back to their victorious ways, the scarlet red cars to dominate the tracks again.

LLJ;
2:59 PM;

HEHE i just read Adam Lambert's rolling stones interview woohoo! if you havent already done so, and you're not anti-adam i'd advise you to go read it as well! you'll be taken aback(in a good way) by his openess. he speaks bout his past and his sexuality with such boldness and without shame. and he says what he thinks, not worrying bout what people are gonna say its refreshing, you dont get celebrities like that. enjoyable article, no doubt!

i especially like the part where he talks abt kris HAHA! how when they got put in the same room he was like, oh no they put me with the cute one..distracting! he describes him as "nice, nonchalant, pretty, and totally my type" LOL ttm! yeah, but obviously he's married and 100% straight, so too bad for adam. HAHA both of them are so cute!

so obsessed with adam and his gay self now. i think i have this thing for gay men, honestly. there's adam, clay aiken, that brothers and sisters character, the swimmer, reiken and chip(amazing race, long time ago), wentworth miller.. its a certain affinity, gay couples are sweet haha. (btw i saw his kissing pics too!) too bad for us they're gay..

anw, im listening to adam and kris on youtube now. the internet is amazing, the things you can do and find heh heh..

cant seem to write well these few days, sorry for the not up to standard posts! hope i snap out of this soon.

LLJ;
4:16 PM;

I don't know you, but I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me, and always fool me
And I can't react

Games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat
And point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
You had a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me, and erase me
And I'm painted black

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat
And point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice
You had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly
Sing your melody
I'll sing it loud

LLJ;
6:17 PM;